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Everyone is chasing a little wooden dog. Old and young, they all think it contains an elixir of life. Miranda, a manic cosmetics tycoon, thinks it's worth millions. A mob of old folk led by a pair of deranged doctors is convinced it contains the secret of eternal youth. If a carved wooden dog with teeth like a shark followed you home, what would you do? Augusta thinks the statue might be just what she needs, but ex-boyfriend Billy doesn't want to know. Augusta and her trusty bull terrier Cyclops take him on a surreal odyssey through the suburbs. The trouble is, Augusta has neglected to mention the other people with a desperate interest in the statue. Spying on elaborate sexual hi-jinks; shearing half a sheep; being kidnapped by club-wielding zombies; being threatened with an enormous hypodermic syringe - thes are the kinds of things that always happen to Billy when he hangs around Augusta too long. When it comes to the showdown at the Balmoral Bowling Club nothing goes according ot plan. The dog makes sure that everyone gets what they were after - if not what they expected.